MAGAZINE

Google the word, Communication, and watch all of the images that appear of a computer and a cellular phone, which demonstrates how the way in which we communicate today has changed.  Communication is a two-way process, there is a listener and there is a receiver and they take turns exchanging messages with one another.  Communication is extremely important in a relationship, whether business or personal.  Communication is an extremely important element in any relationship.  The way in which we communicate is developed from our upbringing and influenced by our life experiences.  Communication can be open and transparent, verbal, written, through body language, non-disclosed, aloof, dishonest, vague, misinterpreted, unclear, clear, and non-descriptive.  Learning how to effectively communicate can help couples bridge the gap from misunderstandings to clarity.  Learning how to communicate is not just about learning to use the right word choices, it is also about tone and knowing the difference between talking "to" someone and talking "at" someone.  The difference between talking "to" someone versus "at" someone is contingent upon the tone of the conversation.  When we talk to someone in a loud or harsh tone, that is an indication that you are talking "at" someone.  When you talk "at" someone, the person you are talking to is usually not receptive to listening to the message that you are trying to convey.  If you want the person to listen to you, it is better to talk "to" them.  Both of you should take an active role taking turns as the listener and the messenger.

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Communication is a two-way process, there is an active listener (receiver) and there is a messenger (sender).  When we communicate  we should communicate in a way that expresses what we mean, not what we feel, because when we communicate what we feel, it can cause the receiver to respond defensively.  Two people can say the same thing in different ways and argue their point without realizing that they could be saying the same thing.  We process information by how we think and because we may think differently, this could cause a break down in communication.  This is why it is important to listen for understanding and ask questions for clarity, before responding.  We should practice good communication skills, which involves active listening for understanding and not for reaction or response.  When we learn how to communicate with those around us, we become more receptive to what they are saying and vice versa, even if we do not always agree.  It is normal to have disagreements, we just have to learn how to communicate through the disagreement.  You can be right in your point, but wrong in your delivery.  If your end goal is to get the response/outcome that you want from your partner, it is important to learn how to best communicate with him/her.  Couples who learn how to communicate with each other effectively tend to stay together longer.  Without effective communication, you have nothing.  Communication is key.

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Below are some helpful tips to help you become an effective communicator:

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-Be Open and Transparent with your partner about your needs.
 

-Speak in a clear, concise and respectful tone.
 

-Listen while the other person is talking and take turns in this role.  Remember, communication is a two-way process.
 

-Know that a good listener, listens for understanding and not for reaction.
 

-Take time to process the information that you are hearing, and ask questions for clarity to make sure you understand the message.

-Never assume the meaning of the message or behavior, ask questions to get to the core purpose of the conversation.

 

-If a conversation gets too intense and an argument results, take a break from the conversation and ask to revisit it later that same day, when the intensity is reduced or eliminated.
 

-Know that it is okay to agree to disagree and still be okay.

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-Understand that Direction is not Correction.  Don't approach a conversation defensively.

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-Know that it does not matter who is right or who is wrong, what matters is working on a resolve, despite who is right or wrong.

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-Know that an Opinion is not necessarily a Fact and everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion.  If someones opinion is different from yours, it doesn't always mean that they are wrong and you are right, or that they are right and you are wrong.  It just means that they think differently than you do, and that is okay.
 

-Know what you want to get as a result from the conversation (action item) and work towards achieving that outcome with your partner.

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By Lynnette Clement

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