MAGAZINE

Love is such a wonderful feeling when everything is going well, yet the worst feeling in the world when it doesn't.  However, because love is unconditional, you can love a person when things are not going well....that is, when it is real love.  When you really love someone, you will always love them, because real love is not based on terms and conditions.  Now, don't misunderstand me, you can also leave someone that you love, when your mental sanity, health, safety and/or well-being is compromised.  Leaving them does not mean that you don't love them, it just means that you matter most to you, which is important.  Love can be defined differently by different people, depending upon how he/she has experienced love.  For some, love hurts, for others love heals.  There are also some who fear love, while for others, love is embraced.  Love is such a strong word, to not throw around loosely.  If you love someone, don't be afraid to tell them, it is not good to think that they are a mind reader or that they should know by what you say or do to or for them.  It is also important to not tell someone that you love them, if you don't. 

 

Love is a short, but powerful word, with so much meaning.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines love as: "A strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; maternal love for a child; attraction based on sexual desire; affection and tenderness felt by lovers; affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests; an assurance of affection; warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion; the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration; a beloved person; often used as a term of endearment; unselfish loyal; concern for the good of another;  the fatherly concern of God for humankind; a god (such as Cupid or Eros) or a personification of love."   It is important not to confuse lust for love.  A sexual desire does not always mean that you love the person that you desire.  You can be attracted to someone, then when you get to know him/her, your feelings for them do not go beyond the physical attraction.  We have to know what love truly means, before we can really love someone other than ourselves.

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There are different levels to love.  We have a different level of love for our family, friends, children, siblings, pets, self, and significant other.  There are also different expressions of love shown through ones love language, and if we do not understand one another's love language we can easily misinterpret the love someone has for us or the lack thereof.  I remember giving someone something that was so sacred to me, something that I was waiting to give to my husband.  It meant the world to me.  I gave it to him, because of the love that I had for him at that time, only to find that what meant the world to me, meant absolutely nothing to the person I gave it to.  The outcome was a hurtful, devastating experience for me, that I beat myself up about for a long time.  I realize then, that I made a huge mistake, but it did not scare me away from looking forward to loving someone again.

I also realize that people show love differently, based upon their love language. My love language is gifting and assisting, but if I am in a relationship and my partners love language is spending time with me, I might not understand that this too shows love, because I express love differently and if I am giving, and my partner wants time, he will not understand that I love him based upon how I show love, because it is different from how he expresses love.  It's the same concept when someone's love language is paying your bills (money) and your love language is quality time. A person can appear to be unappreciative if he/she shares that they are unhappy about how much time you spend with them, if you don't spend much time with them, but instead give them money, because money is your love language.  When your love language is money, you might think that money is all that he/she should need, which is inaccurate.  This is why it is extremely important to communicate about what love means to you and to ask what love means to those around you. 

 

In relationships with partners, family, and friends conflicts can arise when we do not "speak" their love language.  So, out of love, we have to compromise occasionally on how we express love, when our love language is different from those around us in effort to reassure them of our love for them.  We shouldn't want anyone to ever have to guess whether or not we love them, if in fact we do.  Tell them and show them. Love is not just lip service, it's an action word.  Love is what is needed in the world today...it is one of the free gifts that you can share with those you love....Love is Everything! Don't be afraid to give and receive love the right way.  We need Love.  So, instead of spreading hate, spread love, especially with those who are deserving of your love and mean it!

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By Lynnette Clement