Emotional growth is extremely important to relationships.  To have a lasting relationship, often times, we have to heal from our past hurts, before we can connect with others on an emotional level.  Our past experiences, will determine how open or closed we are to emotional development.  Relationships usually cannot survive without emotional growth, at a higher level.  Maturation, is what helps us get through the process of emotional growth.  Having emotional intelligence is another way to get through the process of emotional growth.  Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of, and express one’s emotions, control them, as well as handle interpersonal relationships judiciously, and empathetically.  According to Psychologist, Daniel Goleman, there are five components of emotional intelligence: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills.  Below, I will help explain each of these.

 

Our self-awareness helps us accept and acknowledge our own thoughts and behaviors, whether good or bad. 

 

Self-regulation helps us control our own thoughts and behaviors, and how we respond to others. 

 

Motivation leads us to wanting to be and do better; developing upon our own strengths and weaknesses. 

 

Empathy helps us try to understand others thoughts, feelings and perspectives, even if we do not always agree with them. 

 

Social skills help us learn how to best communicate with and engage with diverse people around us. 

 

All of these attributes are important to having a good, healthy relationship with yourself as well as others.  Emotional growth is often overlooked, but it is so important.  In every relationship, we encounter challenges with a partner who might not be mature on an emotional level.  If he/she is not emotionally mature, this will cause problems in the relationship, and could even prevent a potential relationship from ever happening.   When a person is not emotionally intelligent, when in a relationship with him/her we might encounter a tit-for-tat type of mentality, or we might encounter someone who matures at a slower pace and/or not at all.  When dealing with a person who lacks emotional intelligence, we also might encounter a partner who is selfish or narcissistic, and if we ourselves do not possess emotional intelligence, we will not know how to handle any of those types of people in the right way.

 

If you are struggling with emotional growth, and are having problems connecting to others emotionally, take the necessary steps that you need to take to heal, before getting into any type of relationship.  Speak with a spiritual counselor who can give you the strategies and resources that you need to start on the road to healing.  Read a book about how to develop emotional intelligence and practice the strategies.  If you try to engage in a relationship, prior to being able to emotionally connect to your partner, you will find that you will be disconnected (guarded) in some way and that will hinder your mate’s ability to build a connection with you.  People who lack emotional growth are usually the people who are withdrawn, distant, “ghost” others, are indecisive about who and what they want, fearful of emotional intimacy/connection, engage in self-destructive/sabotaging behaviors, have low self-efficacy, and have multiple or short-term relationships at the same time to avoid having an emotional connection.  People who have problems with emotional growth, are usually not people that anyone is comfortable being in a long relationship with.  So, if you want a long-term relationship, get the help that you need to heal and develop emotionally.  Take time to take care of yourself and nurture yourself; just like you have to nurture a plant for it to grow.  You deserve it and so does your present or future mate.

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By Lynnette Clement