When men and women are ready to settle down, they usually want the same things from their relationship: 1. To be loved the right way, 2. To be respected 3. To be supported in endeavors, and 4. To be able to still communicate with one another when things are good and bad.  What we want from relationships is really not as deep as some make it.  When we first meet someone, we tend to do what we think we need to do to get him/her to like us. If we are not our true authentic selves from the beginning, and we put on a façade/front to pretend that we are better than we actually are, we can set up false hopes and expectations that will later be a let-down and hurt our mate, because he/she believed that we were actually genuine/sincere.  It is best to be real from day one.  Be who you really are and do not pretend to be what you are not.  This way, you give the other person the opportunity to decide if he/she wants to be with you.  In the beginning, relationships are light, fun, and we begin to develop a friendship to see if it will lead to something long-term. If it leads to something long-term, we want to put a title on the relationship; shifting it from dating, to friends, to boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancee' and maybe even wife/husband.  After a while, for some reason, in some relationships, as soon as the title of friends change to girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife, things tend to get “heavy,” the expectations change, and the friends who used to have fun together start treating each other like enemies later in the relationship.  We forget that when we are in a relationship, we are teammates, playing on the same team, against the opposition; not against each other.  We begin to argue about things that don’t really matter, forgetting that the friendship still exist inside of the relationship.  In a relationship, arguing to me is stupid.  If there is one reason to argue/fight, it is to argue/fight to keep the relationship together, not to fight to tear it apart.  Eventually, that is what will happen if you keep arguing over things that do not really matter for the relationship to work.  Instead of being problem-focused, be solution-focused.

What happens in relationships when the titles change that makes people change in the relationship?  People tend to get comfortable and stop working as hard for the relationship, after they add titles.  Is it that we shift our mindset from having a friend, to having a possession?  When we own something, we tend to think that we can control it, because it belongs to us.  However, we should remember that we were friends first and should continue to treat each other like real friends should treat each other.  The same things that you had to do to get the person to date you, are the same things that you have to do to keep the person interested in you.  When we change a persons’ title, that person tends to change.  Think about it, if someone at work is put in a leadership position and they become your boss, how does their behavior change?  They tend to begin to act “bossy,” and start treating you differently.  For some, the boss title will impact their ego and they will become arrogant, aggressive, hierarchical, or belittling.  For others, the working relationship may shift some for professional reasons, but they will still treat you like he/she would want to be treated.  Just because the title changes, does not mean that you have to stop being friends.  It is important to remain friends, especially when in a relationship, because friendships tend to last longer than relationships.  We are more forgiving of our friends and we tend to treat our friends better.  So, when we keep our friendship in the midst of our relationship, we will be just as gracious towards one another even when either of us have bad days.