These last few weeks are difficult for most people who had their lives changed by this Coronavirus pandemic.  Lives have been changed in more ways than one.  Until this pandemic is over, none of us will know what our new normal will look like.  When couples experience trying times like these, some surpass them while others succumb to them.  In these last few days, you hear about couples getting divorced, breaking up and even some instances of abuse.  When we are usually out of the home for at least eight hours a day, away from our children and significant other, it gives us a break from one another.   Even though we love them, it’s a well needed break that makes us appreciate each other when we are together.  However, if you are with someone who you don’t always get along with, the more time you spend with that person, the more you are likely to not get along with him/her.  This is why we have to be extremely selective with who we decide to partner with in life. 

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Sometimes couples get together for all the wrong reasons and some of those reasons are: money, children, loneliness, and sex, but real love and compatibility are more important than any of those things. You actually have to LIKE the person that you are with, as a person despite money, the children, not wanting to be lonely, and you have to be able to get along with each other outside of the bedroom.  You have to like his/her character for the two of you to co-exist in the same space for a long period of time.  Times like these, where you have to be together for long periods of time will test how truly compatible the two of you really are.  Often times, we have to take a break from people to keep our inner peace.  As I always say, taking a break doesn’t always mean leaving.  A break could mean, take a walk, go sit in the car and listen to some good music, take a long bath, get a designated quiet place in the house (like a man cave, library, work space, divas den, etc.) where you can go just to relax and be “unbothered” for a few minutes.  We have to understand that at some point in our day, everyone needs and deserves to get some ME (alone) time.  Stay focused on your happiness and peace.  This time of uncertainty has truly tested our patience in many ways. 

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Couples are divorcing and splitting up, under these stressful times. It isn’t always a good thing to make final/permanent decisions in haste, and under emotional duress. I am not saying that you stay in an unhealthy relationship.  Everybody that truly knows me knows that I am pro-relationship, when the relationship is healthy.   I always say work towards making your relationship work, when it is a healthy relationship and the challenges are ones that you can overcome.  However, everyone who knows me also knows that I strongly believe that when you are in an unhealthy relationship, you leave with a plan of how your life will be without the person.  Let the person work on him/herself by him/herself and if the two of you are meant to be together then later on when he/she has become a better person, and if you are still interested and available, then try to refocus on building the relationship again, if that is what both of you want.  
 

The problem in some relationships is that sometimes people can create unnecessary problems, just because they are upset or frustrated with their current situation; and, because of that they look for a way to make someone else feel how they feel (misery loves company), which creates problems in their relationship.   Good relationships are hard to find, so if you have a good relationship, do not cause unnecessary problems in your relationship.  If you have ever had a bad relationship, and then had a good relationship, you know the difference between the two.  This is why it is important to stay focused and committed to helping to make your relationship work, when it is healthy.  Leaving a healthy relationship isn’t always the answer.  Although, you have to do what is best for you.  I’ve never left a relationship, without first trying to make it work, or without a good reason.  I love, love.  But, I require to be loved the right way; the same way that I give love (the right way).

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During this pandemic, I predicted that many couples who profess to love each other would be making babies, because of the time that they now have to spend together.  But, I never thought about couples breaking up, because I assumed that they would be taking this time to love on each other, not leave each other.  It is almost as if people are losing focus on love.  There are numerous reports circulating in the news about couples splitting up, especially famous couples like, Channing Tatum who reportedly split with his girlfriend Jessie J, Lady Gaga and Christian Carlino ended their engagement, Ne-Yo and his wife Crystal Renay, reportedly are working things out after he was rumored to have filed for divorce after four years of marriage (I guess he found out through his divorce attorney that it is cheaper to keep her), Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler are divorcing after 10 years, Pamela Anderson and Jon Peters are divorcing, Rihanna and her boyfriend of three years Hassan Jameel split up, Pete Davidson an Kaia Gerber split as well, Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler split after almost nine years together, Jesse Metcalfe and Cara Santana split after 10 years together, Lena Waithe and Alana Mayo split up,  Jurnee Smollett and Josiah Bell divorced after nearly 10 years of marriage, Taika Waititi and Chelsea Winstanley split up, Ryan and Krissie Newman called it quits after 16 years of marriage, Kehlani and YG end their relationship, Garcelle Beauvais and Michael Elliot also divorced, and David Koechner and Leigh Koechner split after 21 years of marriage, and the list goes on and on unfortunately. 

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Not only are couples calling it quits, abuse is also on the rise during this pandemic as well.  It is reported that a woman in Wisconsin stabbed her boyfriend in the neck for what she said was in self-defense.  An ex-boyfriend stabbed his ex-girlfriend to death in Southwest Philadelphia.  A lady in Wilmington, Delaware stabbed her boyfriend in the neck with a pen, while he was driving during an argument.  And, a Vermont woman killed her boyfriend that was also reported as self-defense.  When a relationship gets violent, the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to leave, even if you have to go to a shelter until you can get back on your feet.  No living situation can be worse than an abusive living situation. If you find that you and your significant other are having a difficult time getting along during this pandemic or otherwise, it is important that you get help.  Seeking professional help is important to your health, safety and well-being. You have to always stay focused on doing what is best for you and focused on what makes you happy.

  

If you have trouble controlling your mood behaviors and have anger problems and can benefit from anger management call 800-446-3379.

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If you are in an abusive relationship (domestic violence) and you need help, call your local police and 800-799-7233.

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If you experience child abuse, call your local police and 800-394-3366.

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If you experience sexual abuse, call your local police and 800-656-4673.

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If you are having suicidal thoughts or excessive depression, call 800-273-8255

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If you have a substance abuse problem and need help, call 800-662-4357.

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If you are having other relationship issues and want to speak with a professional counselor, call 215-382-6680. (Philadelphia)  If you live outside of Philadelphia, PA, call the number provided and they should be able to refer you to a counselor in your area.

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Stay focused on being happy, safe and healthy.  We will get through this.  Prayers for everyone who is having a difficult time coping through this pandemic.

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By Lynnette Clement