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Readiness is the word of the month for March 2021.

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In life, we have to prepare for a lot of different things; starting a new job, training for an athletic competition, learning how to drive, going on a first date, purchasing a first home, studying for an exam, preparing for life after graduation, planning to have a family, starting a new relationship, or planning how to move on with our lives after losing loved ones.  There are so many things that we have to be ready for and sometimes thinking about them can be overwhelming.  Nevertheless, not planning for these things, can be even more overwhelming when we are forced to handle these types of situations before we are prepared.

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Readiness isn't about how long you've been in a state of stagnation, it is about preparing yourself today to be in a better position to move forward tomorrow.  If you are single, know that readiness isn't based on how long you've been waiting for a mate.  Readiness also doesn't have to do with your ability to stay in a relationship.  Readiness has to do with how comfortable you are with the understanding that you will have differences and disagreements in your relationship and your ability to effectively communicate through those challenges will help determine how ready you are to be in a long-term relationship.

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When you know that having a disagreement is not about winning an argument or who gets the last word, you're on your way to readiness.  During courtship, we should ask the person that we date questions about values, family upbringing, morals, likes and dislikes to see if the two of you are compatible.  If you are not compatible, the relationship might not work long-term.  The dating phase will help you determine how prepared you truly are for a relationship.

 

When two unprepared people get together to try to start a relationship, they usually argue like the couple in the movie, Malcolm and Marie.  Their constant arguments are one of the reasons why readiness is so important to relationships.  If you've had bad experiences in relationships, it is best to heal first, before you get into a relationship.  Two broken people will break each others spirit as well as negatively influence one another's perspective on what love really is.  You can spot those kind of people when you meet them.  Some of us know these types people, personally.  They are usually the ones who either shy away from commitment, have issues with trust, always question your motives for wanting to be with him/her, those who are so afraid of love, so much that they don't want anyone to get close to them for fear that they might get hurt, and those people who say, "F love," because they probably loved someone who mistreated them, left them, or didn't really love them.  These are the people who really need to prepare for the type of relationship that he/she wants.  If they don't, they will usually engage in self-sabotaging behavior that will mess up the relationship.  Readiness is important.

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When we go beyond dating and get into a marriage, we don't want to have the misconception or false expectations that the person will be different after you marry him/her.  The truth is, you get who you married.  So, being ready before marriage is extremely important.  Yes, people can change eventually, but know that when a person is not ready, you will go through a lot of growing pains before any changes occur.  If you are able to get through the growing pains to maturation, then the relationship is more likely to grow into something more sustainable.  Some (not all) of marriages that end in divorce quickly, usually end because the two people who said they were ready for a relationship, weren't really ready.  The second the marriage isn't what he/she thought it would be, the couple usually become unsure about their relationship and begin to question their readiness.  We should question our readiness, before entering into a relationship or marriage.  Your readiness is important to sustaining your relationship.  

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In the past, I have been guilty of thinking that I was ready for a relationship.  I wanted to be in a relationship, so I told myself that I was ready and I thought I was until something happened that I didn't like.  It wasn't until I was tested in the relationship, that I began to notice how unprepared I was.  I have learned so much about myself and about dating in my singleness that I know now that I am truly ready.  I also know that there are some things that you just can't prepare for, in regard to the behaviors of others.  My expectation now is that I don't have expectations.  I want to get to know the man that I am with and not have the expectation of who I want him to be.  I understand that part now.

 

I must admit, leaving a relationship has been easy for me.  So, if I truly think that I'm ready for a relationship, I had to ask myself, "What am I going to do when leaving is not an option?"  And, to be honest, I became fearful of that possibility, sad to admit, but it's true.  I know that we always have options, but I've never thought about not having the option to leave, so this lead me to ask myself the question, "Am I really ready for a relationship?"  The truth is, I may not know until I am tested in a relationship.  Yes, I think that I'm ready and I hope that he is ready too.  One of the things that I realize is that in any relationship, we all go through something that we don't like. We have to figure out how to go through things, if the relationship is worth saving.  I want to stay when the relationship is worth saving.

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For me, I think when people date each other, they should date each other for the entire duration of the relationship and not get comfortable or complacent after their titles change to boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife.  You know when you first start dating, you do so much wining and dining each other and telling each other how you feel about one another, complimenting each other, you laugh, you talk, you have fun together, you spend time together to get to know one another, and if you are lucky, you eventually fall in love with each other.  To stay in love with each other, couples should keep that same spice throughout the relationship.  We should keep this in mind, in our singleness, as we are preparing ourselves for a relationship.  Keep this in mind, if you are in a relationship or married and you stopped doing these things with your partner.  You have to keep it spicy.  Stay ready, so that you don't have to get ready.

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In your singleness, work on being ready for the man or woman that God will send you.  Work towards preparing for the type of relationship that you say that you want.  Will you be ready when he/she enters your life?  Are you really ready, despite how badly you might want to be in a relationship?  Time and personal experiences usually determine how ready we really are.  The worst thing that we can do is to start engaging in something that we are not ready for.  We can end up hurting ourselves or someone else.  Most of the time we want the relationship as long as it is going the way that we want it to go, without thinking about what we will do, if things don't go the way we think they should go.  Be ready for that possibility, because the other person is not you.  Your readiness can make or break your relationship, so prepare now to be ready.  To truly love and be loved the right way is beautiful, so get ready for it.  Your readiness is extremely important.

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By Lynnette Clement