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Selflessness is an extremely important part of a healthy relationship.  When you are in the company of others, it is important that you consider the thoughts and feelings of others.  When you are in a committed relationship and marriage, it is no longer about only you.  Your significant other should matter to you. It is not always easy to figure out how to harmoniously co-exist in the same space with someone else, who might not have the same values, goals, mindset, maturity, readiness, religion, political belief system, education, or family dynamic that you had or have.  We have to consider that the person that we chose to be with could have a different perspective about all of those things that I listed.  Our upbringing and family dynamic experiences usually shape our way of thinking and behaving and when someone else might have a different upbringing or family dynamic experience, he/she might act, think, and do things differently than the way you might be accustomed to.  You have to keep in mind that your mate has also grown up accustomed to certain things as well.  And, this is the area where tension and arguments can occur (from indifferences); this is where compromising and selflessness are important.

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In any relationship, whether it is a friendship, a love relationship, a business relationship, or a familial relationship, everything that happens in the relationship is not only about you.  I use the word "only," because it is important for me to state that You matter as well.  However, the people around you matter, too.  A relationship is not self-centered.  So, it is important to not think selfishly when making decisions that will impact the relationship.  You shouldn't always get what you want or get things done your way, nor do what you want to do without considering others, nor should you only do what you want to do and what's important to you, but not want to do something that doesn't benefit you in some way.  You should be concerned about what your significant other wants as well, especially if he/she is important to you.

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In a relationship, you should do what you want to do, within moral reason, but you shouldn't only do what you want to do.  You should also be willing to do what your mate wants to do within moral reason as well.  If you never get your needs met, because you always let other people persuade you to only do what they want you to do, they will become accustomed to you letting them have their way with you and if you say no one time, after always saying, yes, they usually will be upset with you and it will become harder for you to say, no and be okay with your no.  It is okay to say, No, sometimes.  Compromising and selflessness is not about being a "push-over."  In a relationship, both people in the relationship matter and should be considerate of each others needs.  If you always do things that only you want to do, but refuse to do things that your mate wants to do, you will be the only happy one in the relationship.  The mate who doesn't get to do things that he/she would like to do (within reason) will not be happy, because his/her needs are not being met.  

 

In my opinion, it is not okay for someone in a relationship to say no, All the time in an effort to always have things done their way and not consider their mate's needs. Just like it is not okay to Always say, yes, when you really want to say, no.  You have to compromise, so that the both of you are getting your needs met.  For example, if you like going to the movies and your mate would rather stay in the house and watch movies on television, the right thing to do is compromise. Sometimes, you go out to the movies, and sometimes you stay home to watch movies.  This is why compatibility is important in relationships as well.

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If you want to truly be happy in your relationship, you have to do things within reason that contribute to each others happiness, even when you don't always feel like it.  Just keep in mind that it is unhealthy to always let one person always have what they want.  Because, in doing so, means that the other person's needs are forsaken; basically demonstrating that persons needs do not matter to you.  Remember, when in a relationship, it's not only about you and your wants and needs. When a relationship is one-sided, your mate will eventually leave or cheat.

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Selflessness is extremely important in any relationship, so the next time your significant other, friend, business partner, or family member asks you, What do you want to do?  Instead of responding with, "I don't know, I don't care, it doesn't matter to me, or whatever you want to do is fine," speak up for yourself, have a suggestion, state what you really want.  If you don't state what you want, you cannot be mad when you don't get what you want.  I find it funny how people who don't make decisions when asked, tend to view the other person making decisions, as if he/she is trying to control them; when in fact, it was your indecisiveness that caused them to make the decision that you did not make for yourself.  By not stating what you want or what you want to do when asked, you give the other person permission to make the decision for you.  You can waste valuable time going back and forth trying to decide on what to do, so someone has to make a decision.  If you don't want others to make decisions for you, then speak up for yourself, especially if they asked you first.  Whenever anyone makes a decision, he/she should keep the other person or people in mind, because everyone's happiness matters.  Always remember that in your relationship it is not only about you. 

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In your relationship, take the time to seriously evaluate who's needs are getting met and ask yourself, Are you compromising, or compromising your relationship by being selfish?  Then ask yourself, What can You do better to make sure that all of your relationship needs are met within your relationship?  If only one person is giving (compromising), then the other person is always taking and that is selfish.  In your relationship, reciprocate (a mutual or equivalent exchange or paying back of what one has received) the process of what it means to be Selfless.  Real love and selflessness are about compromising, not compromising who you are, but sometimes compromise about what you do.

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By Lynnette Clement