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When you are looking to start a new relationship or already in a relationship, it is important that you focus on building each other up.  What I mean by “building each other up,” is saying encouraging words to each other to inspire each other to achieve goals successfully, personally, and professionally; individually as well as collectively.  Do not destroy your mate’s self-esteem or self-worth by saying negative things to your mate, comparing your mate to others, or competing with your mate.  The world can already be a cruel place, because of some of the cruel people in the world.  You should be the safety net and comfort zone that your mate can go to when he/she needs to “escape” from the cruelties in the world.  Your mate needs your love and support, not your ridicule or judgement. 

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If you are in a relationship with someone, keep in mind that You chose to be in that relationship, so do not treat your mate like you do not value their presence in your life.  Value him/her for choosing You as a partner.  When you don’t value your mate, it shows by lack of respect for him/her and lack of desire to contribute to his/her happiness.  It is also important that when in a relationship, you do not compare your mate to someone else that you are no longer with.  If your ex was so awesome, perhaps you would still be with that person or you would have done whatever was required of you to do to ensure that he/she stayed with you.  When you have moved on to a new relationship, stay in the present with the person you are with currently and remember that You chose to be with that person.  Enjoy the relationship and the excitement of what the newness of relationships bring.  Discard any baggage from your past, so that you can move forward with an open mind and open heart.

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We have to realize that it takes time to build a happy and healthy relationship.  A previous relationship, where you spent 5 or more years working towards building, is very different from a relationship that you have only been in for one year or less.  The one year or less relationship is not going to be as “polished,” in the beginning just like the previous relationship wasn’t that polished in that short amount of time.  It took a few more years for the two of you to learn how to be better partners to each other.   So, if you are in a newer relationship with or just dating, and the person you meet or met, as the saying goes, doesn’t “dot all your I’s, and cross your T’s, stop looking for something to be wrong with that person. Instead, get to know the person, transparently communicate with the person about your likes and dislikes without insulting or offending him/her with your words.  

 

People will respect how you feel, when you state what you feel in an appropriate manner.  People are also less defensive when you communicate with him/her in a respectful, non-offensive, non-insulting, non-combative, and non-accusatory manner.  You either want to help make the relationship work or leave the relationship.

Your mate needs your love, respect, and support, not your ridicule.  When you defame someone’s character that you are with, that tells people a lot about your own character.  For example, if you call your mate stupid and you are in a relationship with him/her, it will appear to me that both of you have some challenges with intelligence. Don’t tear your mate down with your negative words.  Build your mate up, so that he/she will not thirst to hear positive words from someone else.  Encourage, motivate, and inspire your mate to contribute to what helps keep the relationship together.  Don’t contribute to what helps to destroy the relationship.

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If you want your relationship to work, help do what it takes to keep the relationship together (if that is what the both of you want).  Help each other achieve personal and professional success.  And, when you reach a certain level of success, don’t compete with your mate.  Don’t look down on your mate, if he/she is not at your level of success.  When I win, you win, which means, we win.  When you win, I win, which means, we win.  I am not better than you and you are not better than me.  Don’t look at your mate as your competition trying to compete to see who can be more successful or who can make more money.  Instead, compliment each other, applaud each other, support each other, work together, and grow together. 

 

Remember, you are in this together, so if you want your relationship to work, you have to show your mate that you love, support, respect, want him/her in your life, you appreciate them, and you value your relationship.   Don’t compare and don’t compete, those are the two sure ways of being discontent with who you chose to be in a relationship with.

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By Lynnette Clement