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In a relationship, we tend to want and expect a lot from our partner.  Sometimes, we can find ourselves wanting and expecting from our partner, more than we give to our partner, which is unfair. If we have been out of a relationship for a long period of time, we tend to long for the things that we miss in a relationship and expect that the next person that we meet will fulfill our every desire and those things that we long for.  We should approach every new relationship with the understanding that it could take some time to develop a real connection with the new person, and take time getting to know each other, so that we can avoid setting unrealistic expectations.

In relationships, some of us focus more on what we can get from the relationship versus how we can contribute to the relationship.  We focus more on what WE want from our mate without much thought about what we have to offer to our mate.  We usually don't focus on how we show up for our partner every day.  Are you an example of what you want from your relationship?  Do you get more than you give?  Are you an example of the loyalty that you want?  Are you an example of the love and attention that you need in a mate, and what you long for?  Too often, we ask for things that we either do not possess within ourselves or are not willing to give in a relationship, which isn't fair.

We should not expect from our partner, what we are not willing to give him/her.  Our expectation  of what we want from our mate is usually an indication of what we long for, and/or is what is missing from our lives that we did not get enough of, or did not get at all as children, but always wanted.

Perhaps, your mate might not need the same things that you are longing for in a relationship, however, know that your mate does need something from you to feel loved, wanted, valued and appreciated.  It does not matter how much your mate has to offer, he/she still needs you in some way.  
When you ask or expects things from your mate, make sure that you are deserving of what you are asking for or expect from your mate.  Also, make sure that what you ask or expect are the same things that you are willing to provide to your mate as well.  There is nothing more magical than openly demonstrating reciprocated love for one another.  Be the Love that You Want and Long for by demonstrating that love to your mate.  Treat each other with tender loving care.  Treat each other like you matter to one another, and are important in each others' lives.

Be an example of what a good, healthy relationship looks like.  Do not expect from your mate, anything that you are not willing to do nor give.  Set an example for your mate, by your example of how you treat him/her as a guide for how you want to be treated.  A wise person said, "The same kind of man you are to me, is the same kind of woman I will be to you."  This means if you are good to me, I will be good to you.

Don't let anyone treat you less than how you deserve to be treated.  In your relationships, always remember to choose to use common sense over nonsense, and always be the Love that You Want and Long for. 

Find out what your mates love language is and share with your mate what your love language is, so that the both of you can work towards showing more love to one another in a manner that you both understand and are more receptive of.  When you do your job to help make the relationship work long-term, and your mate does his/her job to help make the relationship work long-term, the both of you should be happy within your relationship.  Be the Love that You Want and Long for.

By Lynnette Clement