Too often, we listen to those external voices that tell us how we should live our lives and what decisions we should make.  If we are not careful, we could end up living the life that someone else wants us to live and not the life that we want to live.  People will tell you to leave someone, people will tell you to stay with someone, people will tell you not to get involved with someone and people will tell you how much we should allow them to interfere in our lives.  However, you are the only person who has to live with the decisions that you make, not the person telling you what to do.  Pay attention to external interferences, because not all advice is good advice and everyone does not have your best interest at heart.  Sometimes, in a marital situation, in-laws can try to interfere in your relationship by telling you what you should and shouldn’t do.  Find out where the information is coming from meaning, are their selfish motives behind the suggestion, is the information given out of love or out of anger?  Remember, you are the one who has to live with your decisions. 

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Even our friends tell us don’t mess with him, he’s a heartbreaker, he’s messy, she’s a gold digger, he has too many children, she is really not your type.  It is okay to listen to advice, meaning hear it. But, don’t always take the advice of a non-professional who is not licensed to give advice.  Even professionals, will not tell you what to do, he/she will communicate with you until you come up with your own solutions.  They might ask you the right questions to steer you towards their preferred solution, so you come up with how to resolve your own problems.  In a marital situation, two become one, so the best people to resolve relationship issues are the two people in the relationship.  Communicate with each other first, and then when you cannot resolve issues, consult professional counsel.

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When two people in the relationship cannot resolve issues themselves, instead of seeking the advice from friends and family, seek advice from a professional.  In every issue of the Love Exquisite Magazine, I offer up some great advice and suggestions on how to maintain and/or achieve a healthy relationship, however, you also should not consider my advice as a one-size fits all approach, which is why I include that you have to do what works best for you and your household.  I have the authority to provide you with information based upon my own life experiences, my educational background in psychology and education, as well as from my extensive research.  However, because you are the only person who can live your life, it is extremely beneficial to you to seek professional help when needed, which is also why I include professional resources in my articles as well.  It is not always wise to listen to external interferences, especially when you are unsure of their motive. 

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A miserable single parent or friend might tell you to leave your relationship, so that they can have more of your time.  An envious friend or family member can tell you to leave your relationship, because they don’t want you to be happy if they are not happy or because he/she wants what you have. A relationship blogger might convince you of what you should and shouldn’t put up with, but you have to ask them about their past relationship experiences to fully understand why they have that stance/viewpoint, because they could be projecting onto you what happened to them, which is not always applicable to every relationship situation.  It is always easier for someone who doesn't know your whole story, and does not have the love for the person that you have, to tell you to leave someone.  You have to do the work of finding out what is going on within your relationship.  When someone else doesn't share the same love that you have for someone, it is easier for them to tell you to leave someone that they do not love.

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For those people who are the external interference, unless you are saving someone’s life, mind your business.  Tell him/her to seek professional counseling.  We all have an assignment and if you interfere with the assignment, the person will not learn the lesson that the assignment is trying to teach them.

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If you experience external interference in your relationship and do not know how to approach the situation, seek professional counsel.  Don't let anyone who is not licensed to give advice come in between you and what God has ordained for you, unless they are trying to save
your life.  Avoid those external interferences and do what is best for you.  If you are unsure of what is best for you, a resource for counsel is the Counsel for Relationships which you can contact via their website at www.councilforrelationships.org.  

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By Lynnette Clement