SELECT YOUR LANGUAGE

Considering your mates need in your relationship is important, especially if your mate asks you to consider him/her.  If you are not considered in your relationship, Don’t ignore the impact that it has on you.  You deserve a relationship where your peace of mind isn’t consistently under siege.  You deserve to feel secure, considered, and respected.   Nevertheless, Know that you are not your mate’s sole priority.  Most people will not put you before themselves.  However, you are not being irrational to ask your mate to consider you in the plans for his/her life. 

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When you are not considered in your relationship, it could lead to resentment, and it also detracts from how you feel about your mate (can reduce being in love to falling out of love and love to resentment. Bitterness and eventually break-up).  Some of us view not being considered as if you are saying, You do not matter to me at all, I don’t care enough about you, forget you, I’m going to do what I want to do no matter how it makes you feel or how you feel about it, I don’t really mess with you like that,  or that you are dismissing their feelings and not taking them seriously.  When you ask someone to consider you, it is getting to the heart of what makes any relationship healthy and lasting.  

 

Considering each other means truly seeing, hearing, and valuing your partner as a part of your life. When you consider your partner, it can create emotional safety, mutual respect, build trust, and a deeper connection.   When you are in a relationship, you have to care how your mate feels, so consider your words, actions, and choices and how they affect your partner.

 

Considering your partner in your plans helps to demonstrate, thoughtfulness, Attentiveness and empathy.  It shows that you are not just thinking about your own selfish needs.  It shows that you value their time, feelings and needs just as much as you want him/her to value yours.  In relationships, it is important to consider each others needs or the relationship will eventually fail.  Someone will be unhappy if their needs are never considered, so check-in, compromise, ask questions, and show your mate how important he/she is to have in your life.   When you don’t consider your mate, you show him/her that they are not important to you.  

 

Considering your mate is about having an “us” mindset versus at “I and You” mindset.   Being considerate and thoughtful are extremely attractive and unselfish characteristics and fosters emotional intimacy and safety that usually leads to happiness.

When people feel that you do not value them, do not consider them, or do not hear them when they communicate their needs, they feel alone in the relationship and this could cause them to seek what they are missing  elsewhere or eventually leave the relationship.  If you cannot meet your mates basic needs, what does he/she need you for?   What purpose do you have in his/her life?  And, if they “lost” you, what would they actually be losing out on? 

 

Considering your mate is saying to them, I see, I hear you, I love, I care about you, even when it is not convenient for me.  No amount of money and no Physical attraction is not enough to sustain a relationship where couples do not consider each others needs.  You cannot always be the only one getting your needs met.  If you are, trust and believe that your mate is not happy. Content, nor satisfied with you.

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Below are some ways in which you can show your mate by your ACTIONS, not words, that you consider them:

 

-Show them that you listen fully when they communicate their needs to you, by making an effort to show them by action that you are listening

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-Asking your partner how was his/her day?  How are they feeling, what would they like to do today?

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-Being mindful of the tone of voice and temperament that you use when communicating with him/her.

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-Being thoughtful, doing special things just because to demonstrate you value having your mate in your life.

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-Making him/her a priority in your life some times by showing up and supporting them when needed. 

 

-Show by actions that you care.

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-Critically thinking about how and what you do when making decisions that will affect both of you.

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-Apologizing when you are wrong or when what you do causes your mate not feel important or valued.

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-Spend quality time with your mate to give him/her the reassurance that he/she matters to you in a busy world of competing priorities.

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If you are not or are not willing to do any of these things, then you truly do not consider your mate and do not care about anyone else's needs other than your own.  This is not the mindset that anyone in a relationship should have.  When a man and woman consistently consider each other, they are not just loving each other the right way, they are building a partnership based on mutual respect, emotional intelligence, love, and shared humanity.  Consider your mate in your decision making process, especially if he/she asks you to.  Keep in mind that Considering your mate demonstrates LOVE...a love that usually lasts a lifetime.  Consider Me...

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By Lynnette Clement