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The Ego is a powerful, invisible, emotional force that can control our behaviors, because it often controls our mind.  The ego sometimes regulates our mood, behavior, thought processes, communication style, ability to connect with others, as well as controls our actions.  The ego can be inflated and deflated and is often driven by pride.  People with inflated egos are narcissistic, self-centered, immature, and let their ego control their thoughts and behaviors.  People with deflated egos often have low self-esteem, are people pleasers, need to feel accepted by others, and usually follow trends.  All of the personality characteristics that I mentioned are some of the reasons why everyone should keep their ego out of their relationships.  

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Your ego can interfere with your relationship in a negative way.  The ego is sometimes tied to your status in life.  Despite where you are in life, you have to be mindful to regulate your ego and do not let your ego regulate what you say and do.  The ego can prevent you from apologizing for something that you have done wrong.  The ego can prevent you from loving someone, who is different from you.  The ego can prevent you from calling someone that you want to talk to, because your pride won't allow you to move beyond your fears of rejection.   The ego will prevent you from accepting a job offer that you feel is "beneath you," even if you don't have a job.  The ego can make you overlook dating someone you are attracted to, because he/she makes less money than you do.  The ego is what, in my opinion, prevents men and women from getting along with each other in a relationship.

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If men and women learn how to put their egos in check, meaning regulate their emotions in a more mature way, we would actually get along better with one another harmoniously.  Take a moment to think about your ego, your pride, and what they are preventing you from doing.  I assure you that it is usually something that you really want to do; if only you were willing to let go and "swallow your pride."  Whatever it is, if it is for the betterment of the relationship, you have to be willing to put your ego aside, for the sake of your relationship.

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Most conflict situations that occur in male and female relationships, occur from a power and control dynamic or stereotypes of what male and female gender roles should be, which derives from the ego.  The conflict that involves the ego usually begins with someone saying either, you should do...you should know...if you wouldn't have...you are not my....I am not your...I use to, but...It should be this way because...why can't you...I shouldn't have to...I want to do it, but I refuse...what are other people going to say about...or let me talk first.  These are all ego driven responses that can stem from the fear of losing control of the situation.  Fear drives the ego in a negative way, because it can create an illusion of something occurring that we cannot humanly predict.  Yet, some allow that fear to stop them from loving people the right way, because of their ego.

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Learn how to regulate your ego, so that it does not control you and prevent you from living a more authentic life.  The ego focuses way too much attention on superficial things.  The more you learn how to regulate your ego, the better you will be in regard to making better decisions in your relationship.  Putting your ego aside will require you to be vulnerable and let go of irrational fears, accept your mistakes, be empathetic and compassionate, as well as being transparent enough to open up and tell and show your mate how much you really love and care about him/her. 

 

Controlling your ego will also require you to stop overthinking, stop being afraid to look or feel dumb or silly, don't take everything personal, don't play the blame game, be open to forgiveness, as well as take responsibility and be accountable for your wrongdoings and the part you play in a disagreement in the relationship. 

 

If you truly want to be happy in your relationship, practice being humble, and let go of your ego if it is causing problems in your relationship or your ability to form new relationships.  Just like a bully, the ego will always try to take control of your thoughts, actions and behaviors.  However, know that you can control your ego, so do not let it control you.  Don't create a see-saw movement style relationship trying to control one another.  Stay humble and be maturely open to surrender the need to be in control of your mate.  Harmoniously, love one another the right way by letting go of your ego.

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"When ego is lost, limit is lost.  You become infinite, kind and beautiful." Yogi Bhajan

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By Lynnette Clement