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Forgiveness is defined in different ways, by different people. In general, forgiveness means to make the personal decision to let go of resentment, hurt, disappointment, or anger that is inflicted by what someone else either did or said that you did not like or found to be hurtful and/or an unpleasant experience. When you learn how to forgive others, it can help bring you peace of mind, joy, healing, and improve your relationships. Forgiveness does not mean that you are letting the person “off the hook” for what they said or for what they did. Forgiveness means that you let yourself out of the “mental prison” that you put yourself in when you think about the person or the experience in a negative way, hold unforgiveness in your heart, and you allow the person or people to control how you feel and how you live your life.

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Forgiveness is for YOU. Forgiveness is for you, because it allows you to be truly happy and free, especially mentally. It is important to know that forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation (that you have to remain in contact or in relationship with the person or people who hurt you). You can forgive someone and not let them back into your life the way they used to be (close to you). Forgiveness means that you no longer give power, control, or authority to the person or people who offended, harmed you, or caused harm to someone else that you care about.

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When you are unforgiving, you allow someone else the power to control your thoughts, emotions, actions, and behaviors. When you hold on to the hurt, that means that you haven’t overcome (gotten over) what hurt you. When you do not forgive, you allow the person who offended or hurt you to have dominion (control) over how you think and how you treat yourself, as well as how you treat others. Do not let someone else have that much power and control over you. Do what you need to do to move past the hurt and disappointment, in a healthy way. Is what he/she did or said to you important enough to allow it to affect your

health (mentally or physically) and/or interfere with your life forever? Remember, forgiveness is for you, it is not for the offender.

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If someone did or said something to you that hurt you, it is okay to hold him/her accountable for their actions by telling them how what they did or said made you feel, or how what they did or said has impacted you in a negative way. Make sure that you offer suggestions on what could be done better in the future to work towards preventing it from happening again. Even if the person does not listen, nor take your suggestions into consideration, you still must find a way to move on with your life. You might not get the apology that you long for, however, you still have to be okay with moving onward. Some people do not realize their own faults (things they do or say that are wrong), nor are they willing to admit the fact that they hurt you (usually because of their pride, ego, and not wanting to be viewed as “wrong.”) Despite how people treat you, never let anyone change the good person that you are or the good person that you can be.

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If you are the offender (someone who needs to be forgiven), talk with the person or people you offended (or hurt in some way) and apologize sincerely for what you said or did. If they don’t want to talk to you, write them a letter of apology. Be mindful that it could take them some time to be open to accepting your apology and/or that he/she might not accept your apology, nor be ready to forgive you. Apologizing is also for you and could help to reduce the guilt or shame that you might feel, because of what you said or what you did to offend someone else. Always remember that Changed behavior (better character and better decision-making skills) are the best forms of apology. It is also important that you forgive yourself. Give yourself the same grace that you give to others, whom you have forgiven.

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None of us are perfect. All of us make mistakes, the key is to learn the lesson from the mistakes and learn not to repeat them. Treat people the same way that you want and deserve to be treated. If you want love, give love. If you want trust, prove yourself to be trustworthy. If you want respect, be respectful. If you want to be forgiven, forgive others. Forgiveness is a process, and it could take some time to do. Make a conscious decision today to not harbor negative thoughts or feelings towards others. Your peace of mind is more important than any unpleasant experience. Take control of your life back by practicing forgiveness.

 

Answer the following questions:

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Who do you need to forgive today? _____________ ______________ ____________

Why is it important for you to forgive that person or people? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today, I am making the conscious decision to let go of my negative feelings/thoughts about: ___________________ ____________________ _____________________ _____________________

My peace of mind is more important than how I feel about the following negative experience(s):

__________________ _____________________ _____________________ _____________________

I deserve to be _________________ _________________ __________________.

The benefit that I get from being unforgiving is ________________________. If you listed a benefit, is this a realistic benefit? ______ How is it beneficial?____________________

I am no longer going to let _______________________________________________ control my life by my unforgiveness.

I forgive __________________ __________________ ____________________ ________________

I forgive myself for: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I love myself too much to stop living my life because of: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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By Lynnette Clement