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Commitment is defined as, “The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”  In your relationship, how committed are you?  How dedicated are you to the person and purpose of the relationship?  These questions challenged me to think about how committed I am when in a relationship. I never thought about this before until after I interviewed married couples on the Real Recognize Real Talk Radio Show  (live streams from the radio show Facebook Watch page every 2nd Tuesday of the month at 7pm EDT) and asked the question that I really want to know the answer to, How do you stay in a relationship beyond strike number three?  “Strike” in this context meaning, after the person has wronged you in some way.  One of the wives' response was, “You have to be committed to the process.”  This was an "Aha" moment for me that allowed me the opportunity to really look at myself in the mirror, and ask myself honestly how committed was I in my past relationships. 

 

I never thought that I wasn’t committed, because I didn’t cheat on anyone.  However, the truth is that in all of my relationships, I had a one foot in, one foot out mentality, which is why leaving the relationship came natural for me.  In that aspect, I was never fully committed to the process.  I now know that it takes an either All in approach or All out approach. For some couples, they believe that “out” is not an option.  In my personal life, I am not there yet, however, it is my intention to at least try to commit to the process.
 

I realized the difference of me being dedicated in my professional life and not being as dedicated in my personal life.  For example, when I wanted to pursue a college degree, I was committed to the process and earned two college degrees and several certificates.  When I wanted to start my own business, I was dedicated to the process, even when things got hard, I never gave up on the process and was determined to start my business, and did just that.  When I wanted to start my own magazine, I was dedicated to the process, and saw it through to fruition now forty seven issues in.  It is as if I have more patience with how things turn out in my professional life, than I am in my personal life. 

 

At signs of struggle in relationships, I have been guilty of looking for a way out, which let’s me know that I was not committed to the process.   As I continue to pursue relationships, I want to be committed to the process, which is why I asked the “how to” question. I want to be committed to a man that I can be comfortable and feel safe enough to be all in, and so invested in the relationship that I don’t want to even think about an exit strategy.   Making a commitment to someone might seem easy, but if you are not fully committed to the process of going through ups and downs, it can be hard to stay. Maybe you can relate to this statement as well, in regard to your commitment to your personal life versus your professional life. 

 

I implore you to rethink about what commitment means to you and how important the person that you are either dating or married to is to you. If he/she is worth it, make the commitment to be dedicated to the process.  If you are not committed and do not want to be dedicated to the person that you are with, do them a huge favor and let him/her go, so that they do not waste anymore time with you and have the opportunity to be with someone who dedicates themselves to him/her.  Not being able to commit to your relationship, does not mean that you don’t love the person you are with, but it could mean that there is something or someone holding you back from being fully committed.  If the person you are with means a lot to you and you don’t want to risk losing him/her, you will have to remove yourself from that something or someone who is holding you back and depriving you and your mate from loving each other completely.   Make sure that when you are committed, you are making a commitment to the right person for you and that he/she is committed to you as well.

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By Lynnette Clement