SELECT YOUR LANGUAGE

When you are looking for a mate, you should look for someone who has the personality characteristics that you are looking for in a mate.  If you have ever been on a dating website, you know that there are several different options (height range, race, education level, sex, marital status, age range, smoker/non-smoker, alcohol consumer, living distance by mile, etc.)  to choose from when looking for a mate through an online dating site.  The options that you choose is based on the type of person you are looking to date.  When dating offline, the criteria for the type of person that we are looking to date is still the same, or at least it should be, if we are honest about what we are looking for.  Sometimes, it appears that we are more flexible about the type of person we are looking to date, when we meet them in person.  What happens to our dating online checklist, when we meet someone in person?  Do we forget about what we said we are looking for or are we not honest with ourselves about what we want?  Do we settle, because the person meets an instantaneous need?   I am not saying to not keep an open mind about dating.  What I am saying is do not forsake what you want for your future, as a substitute to what you want right now.  Get what you want!

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How do you know when you are not getting what you want?  Ask yourself the following questions: Is the person that I am dating or in a relationship with, someone that I can see myself building a future with?  Or, is he/she someone that I just need in my life right now, because of what I have been longing for or missing?  Do you like him/her as a person? …meaning do you like their values, morals, habits, and/or personality traits?  Are you really getting what you want from the person you are in a relationship with?  If you know you want to be in a committed relationship and you meet someone who tells you that they only want your friendship, not a commitment, it is okay to tell him/her that is not what you are looking for…even if that means that the person will exit your life. Get what you want.  If you decided to go against what you want and date that person anyway, they would be getting what they want.  So, why shouldn’t you get what you want?   

 

If the person you meet and/or are in a relationship with is rude, immature, self-centered, but attractive, and those personality traits are usually deal breakers for you, don’t settle.  Get what you want, even if that means that you have to leave the relationship and wait to meet someone who will possess the attributes that you are looking for.  Get what you want. 

 

Don’t settle, because when you settle, you will never be truly happy, satisfied, or content and this is when cheating usually occurs.  Some people will settle for what they want right now, just to have someone in their life.  However, if that person is not what you are looking for long-term, don’t waste his/her time or yours.  It is important to note that not everyone will not always come into your life, “packaged” the way you want him/her to be.  However, remember your non-negotiables, so that you can get what you want.  The most important aspect of getting what you want is to actually know what you want.  Ask yourself, who is the type of person I want in my life, in my children’s lives, in the life of my family, for my future and where I am trying to be in the future?  After you answer those questions honestly, don’t waiver on it, get what you want. 

 

Other important aspects of getting what you want are: you should have realistic expectations and your personality characteristics should match what you are looking for.  This means that you will have to ask yourself, Do I deserve to get what I want?  For example, if you are a horrible person, you shouldn’t ask to be in a relationship with someone who is a sweetheart.  Your energies should match and be in alignment with each other.  If you want someone who has a good heart, you should also have a good heart.  If you want someone who is loyal, you should also be loyal.  If you want someone who is patient, you should also be patient.   It’s okay to get exactly what you want, when you deserve it.  Don’t settle for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.  Get what you want.

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By Lynnette Clement