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The more people we add to our lives, we tend to lose a piece of ourselves.  Most of us are nurturers by nature, but we tend to forget or feel guilty about nurturing ourselves. Helping people is a good thing, but do not forsake your own needs, while helping others. Sometimes, when we are in relationships, we tend to lose ourselves; our own identities and who we are as individuals.  Some of us engulf ourselves in titles and take on the roles that we believe each title should play, acting accordingly.  The way we feel about the title of mother, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend can make us forget that we are more than just those titles. 

 

We engage in doing the responsibilities that come along with those titles, and try so hard to master what we believe those titles mean or what those titles mean to others, that we forget about ourselves as individuals.  In those roles, we tend to put others needs before our own, we put aside what is important to us, and overshadow it with what is important to others.  We stop engaging in activities that make us happy, for the sake of embracing "the title."  We tend to cast aside those who no longer fit in the realm of our titles, yet cleave to those same people when our lives and titles change.  Sometimes your identify is lost through titles, because we are trying to be everything for other people, while being left with nothing for ourselves. 

 

Don’t lose yourself in titles, remember your biological name and that you matter, too. We have to remember that as a mother, caring for yourself and taking care of your own needs is just as important as taking care of your children’s needs.  As a wife, your needs are just as important as the needs of your husbands.  As a husband, your needs are just as important as the needs of your wife.  As a boyfriend or girlfriend, your needs are just as important as the person you are in a relationship with. As a friend, your needs are just as important as your friends needs are. Don't lose yourself.  

 

Don’t forget to take time out for YOU.  Don’t lose yourself and your identity, trying to appease everyone else....trying to be there for everyone else.  Always, remember, YOU matter too. Have you ever asked yourself, Who are you, beyond your title?  What in life matters to you?  What makes you happy?  What makes you whole as an individual?  The answers to these questions will help you discover if you have already lost yourself.  Don’t forget about who you are as an individual and what you contribute to the relationship. 

 

When you are in a relationship, don’t expect your partner to forget about themselves and their needs in an effort to meet your needs and comply to what makes you happy.  Someone who truly loves you, would not want you to lose yourself, because losing yourself means forsaking your own needs.  Someone who truly loves you, would want you to be happy too.  Real love will make you work at getting things right.  Real love is selfless.  Relationships and parenting are full time jobs, sometimes with no days off, but they should all come with some type of benefit; and not at the sake of losing yourself. 

 

To not lose yourself, You have to work at it and make a conscious decision every day to choose you, to choose love over your ego.  Loving yourself and valuing what you contribute to the relationship can help you not lose yourself.  Two people have to work towards helping to make the relationship work, if only one of you are getting your needs met, the relationship will not work long-term.  One of the things that can happen in relationships when you lose yourself is, you begin to resent the other person.  You resent the other person as if it is their decision to decide that appeasing them is more important than your own happiness; when in fact that is your decision to make.

 

Don't lose yourself.  Find what makes you happy again and do more of that; not in a selfish way, but in an inclusive way. Don't overlook yourself, you matter too.  It is okay to love yourself and it is okay to prioritize you.  Don’t lose yourself because losing you, is losing everything.

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By Lynnette Clement