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In relationships, one of the worst things that you can do to your mate is accuse him/her of something that he/she is not or did not do.  The way we think can be influenced by our life experiences, and we have to know that just because something was done or said to us previously, it does not mean that it is okay to assume that everyone will treat you the same way that someone else treated you.  We have to really consider each person as an individual, and be mindful to not use generalizations.  

Each person is unique and bring different personality characteristics to the relationship.  Your accusations can cause a break down in communication, as well as cause unnecessary arguments that will eventually tear the both of you apart.   Couples usually get tired at some point when they have to constantly try to explain themselves, after being accused of something that he/she didn't do.  Couples usually get tired of trying to prove themselves as someone that can be trusted.  Couples usually get tired of arguing over nonsensical things.  

Relationships are challenging enough to navigate through, so there is no reason to add more to the challenge with false accusations.

If you don't have all the facts about what you think you know or see, it is so important to ask questions and not try to fill-in-the- blanks to the questions that you may not have all of the answers to about what is really going on.   False assumptions, and accusations are how some innocent people are sent to prison, because of what a juror made up in their own mind about whether or not the person on trial is innocent or guilty.  Their decision on innocent or guilty is usually based on their own personal thoughts, beliefs, and life experiences, regardless of the evidence presented.  

When you accuse someone of doing something that he/she did not do, it speaks volumes to the fact that you do not fully trust the person that you are making accusations against.  If in your relationships, you find that you are constantly accusing your mate of doing something that he/she didn't do, your accusations could be because you don't trust yourself, or because of a similar experience you may have gone through in a previous relationship.  If you find yourself constantly accusing your mate of doing something, do an introspection as to why you believe what you are accusing them of.  If you cannot trust your mate, it may be best for you to leave them, so that you can get peace, and give your mate that same peace as well.

No, some people are not always honest with you about what they are doing behind closed doors. However, if you do not have all the facts from all parties involved, do not assume and accuse your mate.  Allow your mate the opportunity to tell you what is going on, and try as best as you can to trust him/her, especially if he/she proves themselves to be trustworthy.

Everything that you make up in your mind, because of your insecurities, fears, doubts, traumatic experiences, is not always an accurate depiction of what is really going on with your mate or in your relationship. What you make up in your mind could be a trauma response from a previous experience.  No, what you THINK is going on in your relationship is not always accurate.  No, what you THINK is going on in your relationship is not always your intuition.  It is important to know the distinct difference between your intuition and your trauma responses.  If you do not know the difference, do not trust your intuition,
because what you think is intuition, could be your trauma response to the situation going on in your relationship based on what you have experienced in your past.  

This is why it is so important to heal first, before you engage in any relationship that you are not prepared or ready for.  You could mess up a really good relationship by making accusations that are not true.  

If your mate is worth having in your life, don't fumble him/her.  Fumbling him/her would be a stupid thing to do, especially if your accusations are not true.  So, try to stop making accusations in your relationship.  Instead, ask questions, and when you hear the answers, do not assume that your mate is not being honest with you. If you do not have facts and evidence, let your thoughts go.  If you don't know for certain, without any reasonable doubt, do not make accusations. 

If someone has told you that your mate is or has done something to wrong you, it is important that you consider the source of that information.  Ask yourself, what does that person have to lose or gain?  Is the information helpful to the relationship or a hinderance to the relationship?  Why would that person share the information with you, what do they hope you would do with that information? Then, ASK your mate about what happened, so that you both can get a better understanding of what is going on in the relationship.  Don't make false accusations, because when you do, you sound insecure, crazy, and jealous.  It could also appear that you do not trust your mate.

One of the hardest things to do is stay HAPPY with someone who is always accusing you of doing something that you are not doing.  The false accusations can be a waste of time, as well as an energy drainer to the relationship, and this could eventually lead to the end of your relationship, all for naught.  

So, the next time that you think about accusing your mate of anything, ask yourself first, Do I have ALL the FACTS to support my accusations, or is what I am thinking my trauma response?  Trauma responses could also be defense mechanisms used to try to avoid being hurt.  Nevertheless, you end up hurting yourself when you make up false accusations.  The answer to whether what you are thinking is related to your trauma response should help you stop making accusations that you cannot prove.  If you want to help your relationship grow into a healthy one, STOP making accusations.  Ask your mate questions directly, so that you don't have to make accusations.

By Lynnette Clement