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When you are in a relationship, you and your mate are a team.  You are supposed to be on the same team, with the goal of winning.  You and your mate are a partnership, who work together toward common goals.  You should not work against each other.  You should work together to support one another through life's journey.  In a married couple relationship, the two become one; the two are joined as one, still working as one team fighting against all opposition.  Sometimes, in relationships we might lose sight of the fact that we are on the same team and start fighting against each other.  Sometimes, when in a relationship, we also forget that we are in it together, because of the many challenges that we encounter.  Those challenges create tension that can pull the relationship apart. The enemies job is kill, steal and destroy relationships, because the enemy knows that there is power in numbers.  You can do more working with someone than you can working against them.  So, always remember that you and your mate are on the same team.

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Each member of the team, has to be responsible for pulling their own weight.  He/she has to fulfill their role and the responsibilities that are necessary to make the team work successfully.  When any member of the team, starts working against the team, the breakdown of the team will cause a breakdown in the relationship as well.  This breakdown can create a wedge between you and your mate.  This wedge creates an open opportunity for outside influences to penetrate (get involved) the team.  The penetration can cause the couple to lose focus on the team goal and each other.  Before you let outside influences interfere in your relationship, check-in with your team mate by communicating about what caused the team to shift from working together to working against each other.   

   

Be willing to listen to one another and work towards getting that team connection back.  Teams don't work when the players of the team don't work together towards common goals.  Teams also do not work, when one player is listening to the advice from outside influences given by a player on an opposing team. Think about it, a Sixers player wouldn't take basketball advice from a Pistons player who is on the court playing against the Sixers.  However, the Sixers player would take basketball advice from his own teammate playing on the court with him, because they share the same goal of winning the game for the same team.
   

Teammates have to learn how to work well together, without outside influences.  So, when you have challenges in your relationship, don't consult with friends and family members outside of your relationship to fix what's wrong in your relationship.  Because, often times, some people can be biased in their opinions and no one knows your situation better than you and your mate.  Seeking professional counsel from an unbiased relationship or marital counselor is good, when the two of you cannot figure out how to resolve your challenges. So, communicate with your mate first about the challenges in your relationship and discuss how to resolve those challenges.  Having too many outside influences in your relationship, can destroy your relationship. 

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When there are outside influences that give you advice about your relationship, you always have to consider the source.  Keep in mind that if you are consulting with someone who has trust issues, their advice might be based on their trust issues that are not always applicable to your situation.  If you are consulting with someone who has an ulterior motive to persuade you that he/she is the better choice, you have to consider their biases. Everybody thinks that they are the best at what they do, but the truth is exposed over time.  If you are consulting with men who have been hurt by different women, their advice might be based on their own bad experiences with women and might not apply to your relationship.  If you are consulting with women, who have been hurt by different men, their advice might be based on their own experiences with men, and their experience might not be applicable to your situation.  If you are consulting with anyone who does not make the best life decisions for themselves, and their relationship is awful, can you and/or should you really trust their advice and apply it to your relationship? 

 

The point I am making is...leave outside influences outside of your relationship.  Only you and your mate have to live with the decisions that you make.  You and your mate are a team.  Everyone around you is not always cheering for you to win, so be careful who you allow to penetrate your team.  Talk with your teammate and refocus on the goals of the team.  If the two of you can't work together, then the relationship will not work.

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If you cannot resolve your relationship challenges after communicating with each other, consult a professional counselor.  Don't be afraid to seek the help that you need from a professional.  In relationships, we don't always have the answers to resolve every situation.  So, seeking professional counsel can help you gain insight to alternative solutions that you may not have thought about.  And, often times, people are more receptive and less combative when receiving advice from a professional who has nothing to gain from the situation. Work within your team, you and your mate are a team and you are supposed to be working together to win at life.  When in a relationship, never forget that you and your mate are not enemies.  You are on the same team, well at least you should be.  You cannot do whatever you want to do without consulting with the team, because there is no "I" in team. The team only works, when both of you do the work.  Let's go team!

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By Lynnette Clement

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