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A committed and loving relationship is not always easy to sustain for a long period of time.  Sometimes, good relationships are also not easy to acquire.  The key point in that sentence is “a good relationship.”  It is easy to find someone to be in a relationship with, when you are looking for something short-term or just want anybody to be in a relationship with, so that you are not alone.   It is much harder to find someone to be in a relationship with, when you are looking for something more serious (long-term with substance).   We can love the idea of being in love and being loved, however, some people usually want the prize without going through the process that it takes to get to the prize. 

 

We live in a microwave society, where quick, fast, right now, and easy decisions have become the norm.  However, Good relationships take time to build, so don’t rush the process.  It is a process and the process could be either easy or challenging. Despite how you might start a relationship (on a solid or rocky foundation), if the two of you are willing to work towards sustaining the relationship, you can make it work long time.  You just have to trust the process. 

 

If you start out on a good foundation, it gives you an advantage for helping to make the relationship last.  However, even when starting a relationship on a good foundation, there are no guarantees that the relationship will last long-term, if you do not work through the process.  If you start out on a rocky foundation, it can put you at a disadvantage for helping to make the relationship last.  However, just because you start out rocky, doesn’t always mean that you can’t work towards fixing what caused the relationship to be rocky.   The way you start a relationship, does not have to be the way you end it.  You have to trust the process, or let go.  The worst thing that couples can do is stay in a relationship, where the two of them have given up on each other or one of them has given up on the other.  When you stay in a relationship, where either of you have emotionally or mentally “checked-out,” you begin to resent one another and treat each other as if you no longer care about the relationship or the person; at that point, you have to decide on whether or not you want to stay in the relationship or leave the relationship.  It is not good to stay where you are not wanted or appreciated, especially if you are not willing to go through the process of repairing your relationship. 

 

Relationships are a process.  It is the process of getting to know one another and deciding whether or not your mate is worth your time, love and energy.  It is a process in which you learn what makes the relationship work and what doesn’t.  It is a process that can be rewarding, as well as challenging.  In the end, your mate has to be worth your time, love, and the energy that it will take to go through the process of achieving and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. 

 

In our mind, we construct the type of relationship that we envision for ourselves, based upon our own personal wants and needs.  However, we can’t and shouldn’t expect to achieve those wants and needs overnight.  We have to go through the process.  We have to plan, we have to prepare, we have to get to know each other on a personal level, we have to continuously work towards maintaining the relationship, and fight to keep it, when it’s worth doing so. Relationships are a process.  If you have given up on the process, then you’ve given up on the idea or possibility that your relationship will get better.  At that point, you should have an honest conversation with yourself about why you stay in the relationship, why you have given up, and if/when you should let go?  It would be selfish of you  to “check-out” of the relationship that you are still in, while the other person is still checked-in and he/she doesn’t know that you want and/or are contemplating leaving the relationship.   Always communicate your needs and know that relationships are not easy to maintain.  It takes work from both parties to sustain a relationship.  Relationships are full-time jobs.  Just like we have to learn the process of what to do on the job and how to do it, we have to learn what to do and how to do it in a relationship as well. 

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To be in any relationship, it is a process.  Again, the process is not always easy.  You have to decide on whether you are ready, able, and willing to go through the process.  The person that you are with has to be worth the process.  To choose to be in any relationship is your decision to make, before you enter into a relationship.  Be open and honest with the person you meet and/or are with, so that he/she can decide if they want to go through the process with you.  We ultimately have two decisions to make in a relationship, to trust the process or let go; anything in between those two decisions are where the conflicts and confusion occur, that could end the relationship.  When you want a good relationship, You have to ask yourself, are you ready to trust the process?   If you want to get to the prize, you have to be willing to go through the process.

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(Also, watch the YouTube video of the reading of this article).

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By Lynnette Clement