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In relationships, sometimes, we can get lost in the drama associated with insecurities, a break down in communication, dishonesty, disloyalty, a lack of respect for one another, competing priorities, differences in value systems, or by our ego driven words or actions, as well as our disagreements.   Disagreements are sometimes healthy, because they can lead to conflict resolution, and having tough conversations that you and your mate should have earlier in the relationship, but may have delayed the conversation out of fear of the outcome.

Drama in relationships can be caused by many different factors.  When either of you suffer from mental challenges due to your past experiences, this can create drama in your relationship.  It is important to get the help that you need to heal, so that your traumas or mental anguish does not impact your ability to have a healthy and happy relationship.  Relationships can be challenging, when you connect two people together from two different family upbringings, who may have been raised with different value systems, morals and behavioral conduct, this can cause drama to occur in your relationships.  Sometimes, some parents do a poor job with instilling or demonstrating what good moral conduct looks like, and they do not raise their children in a healthy way.  Poor parenting can lead to a child being raised without learning how to conduct themselves appropriately.  When children are raised poorly this causes the child to grow up into adulthood without being able to recognize their faults or knowing right from wrong.  

These poorly raised children, tend to grow up to become poorly behaved adults who are not able to identify their wrongdoings, because no one corrected their poor behaviors.  This poor behavior will impact their relationships, because it will likely cause drama in the relationship.  Someone who was raised to conduct themselves with etiquette and good morals, will have challenges being in a relationship with someone who was not raised with those same principles.   This is one of the reasons why it is important to find someone that you are compatible with.  

Compatibility doesn't only have to do with chemistry or that the two of you might have similar interest.  One of the extremely important aspects of compatibility is sharing the same morals and values, as well as ideals about relationships and behavioral conduct and defining what misconduct actually is.  

You could be sexually compatible with someone, because of the chemistry and attraction that you have for someone. However, if the two of you cannot get along well outside of the bedroom, the relationship will either become just a sexual relationship, or the relationship will end.  The drama outside of the bedroom can impact how well you function in the bedroom.  It is important to be able to identify where the drama in your relationship is coming from, meaning the source of the drama (the cause).  Instead of focusing on the drama itself, focus on the solution to the drama.  

It is not always your mate who is the cause of the drama in your relationship. Sometimes, the drama could stem from a previous or current bad experience with someone else, or a change in your mood because you might have a bad day.  Try not to project your drama onto your mate.  Get to the core of why you might be in a bad mood that might cause you to be irritable with your mate, which will cause drama in your relationship.  When you recognize that you are not in a good mood mentally, it is best to decompress, relax, and focus on doing things that can put you in a better mood, so that you do not take out your irritability on your mate; and treat him/her like they are irritating you and/or as if they were the cause of your initial irritation.

Leave the drama out of your relationship, when it has nothing to do with your mate.
One of the ways to avoid drama is by not creating unnecessary drama in your relationship.  Unnecessary drama is the drama that can be avoided, because it is unnecessary to the betterment of the relationship.  Too much drama in any relationship will eventually tear the two of you apart.  It can cause undue stress, anxiety and depression, when the drama occurs frequently  in the relationship.  No one wants to be in a drama filled relationship.  

Drama that results from insecurities are unhealthy to the relationship.  There are a lot of people who lead with good intentions, so we shouldn't approach any relationship as if the person we are with has bad intentions that causes us to be insecure. The challenge comes into play when we have a difficult time learning who has good intentions and who has bad intentions.  You cannot spend your life worrying about a persons intentions. Time will tell you everything that you need to know about your mate.  So, take the time to spend time with your mate, so that you can get to know your mate on a personal level. 

So that your mate doesn't spend time guessing what your intentions are, Communicate your intentions, honestly.  Communicate what you need and expect from the relationship, honestly.  In doing so, this could help to avoid engaging in drama.
We must recognize that Drama isn't always caused by your mate complaining, being argumentative, nagging or being petty. Drama is sometimes about accountability....meaning, when your mate tells you about how your inappropriate behaviors affects them and the relationship, and you don't like it, therefore you respond defensively, drama can ensue.  Perhaps this is because your mate is holding you accountable for your words, actions and behaviors, and you don't like to be held accountable.  The drama could also ensue because you were never taught right from wrong, so it is difficult for you to see what you did wrong.  It could also be because no one in your past relationships held you accountable for your actions, and because of this you have a difficult time admitting when you do or say something that is inappropriate, hurtful, or disrespectful.

In your relationship, it is okay to hold your mate accountable for mistreatment; and in doing so, this should not cause drama between two mature adults.  The two of you should be able to talk about what is causing the drama and work amicably towards a resolve.  Always stay solution focused, not problem focused.  Make sure the both of you are mature mentally, so that you know how to avoid having drama in your relationship, and how to handle conflict as mature adults if drama arise.  

If you are the cause of the drama in your relationship, it is not okay to get upset with your mate when he/she might respond to your drama, with drama.  Keep the drama geared towards whomever you really have conflict with, and do not project the drama on to your mate.  If your mate is the cause of the drama, communicate with him/her about how to eliminate the drama.  If your mate constantly brings drama into your relationship, communicate how the drama is impacting your relationship and work towards eliminating the drama.   If that doesn't work and the drama has caused you to be unhappy in your relationship, ask yourself if you left the relationship, What are you losing?  What would you be missing out on?  Is the relationship worth the drama?  No matter how much white paint you try to color over red flags, a person who constantly brings drama into your life is a person with bad personality characteristics.  Stop making excuses for poor behavior, believe that he/she is who they SHOW you they are.  Always do what is best for your mental state of mind, health, and heart.

In relationships, it is important to learn how to manage your expectations of your mate, because if your expectations of your mate are too high, you will always find yourself hurt or disappointed in your relationship. Some people were simply not raised right. Some people were always in unhealthy relationships and might not know how to be with a healthy person.   There are some people who actually think that if the relationship is drama free, the relationship is boring or they think their mate doesn't care enough about them to argue or debate...without realizing that too much drama, causes too much stress, and the drama is simply not worth the aggravation. It is better to avoid causing any drama in your relationship.  

In relationships, Most people want to get along, want to work together, and want to focus on loving each other, without drama. However, there are some people who simply never had a good relationship and do not have a frame of reference about how to treat a good person, and this has nothing to do with you as a person. Take the time to get to know the type of person you are with. Happiness and harmony should be the goals in the relationship.  I don't know anyone who can achieve those things by arguing all the time or being in a drama filled relationship.  So, if your relationship is filled with drama, STOP the drama.   If your mate means something to you and you value having your mate in your life, practice patience, get control of your attitude, change your negative thoughts to positive thoughts, think critically about your actions and behaviors and how they are impacting your relationship, and stop bringing drama into your relationship...if you want to get to a healthy place in your relationship.  

A relationship filled with drama will eventually end.  Having a drama free relationship will keep the two of you at peace with each other.  Focus on loving each other better every day, and may the love you have for one another supersede the drama, so that it is eventually eliminated.   Deal with your drama and trauma, before they ruin your relationships. In your relationship, if you want it to last long term always lead with love, integrity, compassion, intent, intimacy, and not irritation.  Stop with all the drama!  Love your mate in a much better and healthier way.

By Lynnette Clement