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When we embark on starting a new relationship, the first thing that we should ask ourselves is, Are we ready for what relationships entail?   If you are only looking to date as friends, that is okay; just make sure that you communicate what you are looking for in the beginning.  People should date as friends first, anyway.  It is at this point in the relationship, that you will get to know each other and determine if the two of you are a good match.   The challenge with dating today, is that most people do not know how to date as friends; they either want to be "friends with benefits," or they don't know how to just be your friend.  If a person wants to be your friend and doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, as long as they are open and honest about their intentions, the two of you should be able to still remain friends.  Everybody you meet is not going to be your wife/husband.

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We should learn how to be friends, first. Going out with someone doesn't mean that they are ready to walk down the aisle with you, or that they would consider you as their husband/wife.  We have to take time to get to know each other, build a solid friendship, and see if the friendship is going to develop into a more meaningful relationship.  Either way, it is something that the both of you have to be ready for.  

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If you get stuck in the "friendzone," you have to be ready to deal with the feelings that you might have for someone that might not be reciprocated.  You have to be ready to handle the friendship in a mature manner.  If the two of you want the same thing from the relationship, you have to be ready for that as well.  You have to be ready for the good and the bad that comes with being in a relationship. Relationships are not always easy to maintain, however, if the relationship is built first on a friendship, the friendship could help the relationship get through challenging times.  Friendships usually last longer than relationships.​

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If you are not ready for a relationship, it is important to not engage in activities that could make the person you are dating think that you are ready, or think that they can convince you to get ready.  It is important to not entertain someone if you are not really ready to commit to being in a relationship or if you do not like the person enough to date them in a serious way, especially if you know that he/she likes you.  However, you can still be their friend, if the both of you are mentally mature enough to handle a friendship with one another.

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The worst thing that you can do to someone's heart in regard to relationships, is to entertain a relationship that you are not ready for, and then prematurely leave the person who was ready to engage in a relationship with you.  It is better to not entertain him/her at all.  

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It is not always easy to be ready for a relationship, because relationships require a lot of work, time, and commitment.  However, a good relationship is worth the work, time, and commitment. So, try not to spend a lifetime getting ready for a relationship, because the time goes by so quickly. Do not think that you have to be perfect, before you can engage in a relationship.  We are getting older and older as each year passes by.  The love for yourself and for the person that you are with, will help you become a better person and a better mate/partner, if he/she has your best interest at heart.

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If a person is not ready for a relationship, do not try to force him/her to be ready.  They have to want to be ready and trying to force them, might push them away from you.  If you are not ready for a relationship, don't force yourself to move quickly into what a relationship entails.  Even the Bible states, "Do not stir up nor awaken love, until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 8:4).

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You will know when you are ready for a relationship.  It is possible that even if you are not ready for a relationship, when you meet the right person, you could find yourself being internally motivated to get ready.  You become more focused on how much you want to be with the person and that want, will make you focus on spending more time with the person.  The more time you spend with the person, the more open you could be to building on the friendship that could lead to a serious relationship.

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In regard to your relationship, your readiness as well as your mates, is extremely important to sustaining your relationship.  In your singleness, prepare yourself to be ready to share your love with someone else who is deserving of you.  Love is meant to be shared and You deserve to be loved.  So, prepare for your readiness, so that when you meet the right person, you are ready for him/her.  If you are not ready, he/she will eventually leave you.  Your readiness will help you keep them in your life.

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By Lynnette Clement