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The biggest myth behind the word, submission, in regard to relationships is that submission is about having power, control, ruling over, or having a domination over your mate based on your gender role (generally male).  Most people have a misconception about what submission is.  It is not about telling a person what to do or say.  It is not about controlling what someone does.  It is not about degrading your mate to inflate your ego.  It is not about having your way, nor about power tripping.  Submission is a mutual accommodation for each other’s needs, similar to a compromise.  Submission is about leading effectively, with the knowledge of knowing that those who lead, also know how and when to follow. 

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When you follow, it does not mean that you lack power or control, it means that you know when to relinquish some form of power based on your own proficiencies within the relationship.  For example, if your mate is better with managing money than you are, relinquishing some control over who handles money matters in the relationship is a wise decision.

In my opinion, submission is more about having a mutual respect and regard for one another, than it is about power and control.  I think that when we take the power and control mindset out of how we think about submission, we are more open-minded to the concept of what it is to be submissive.  When we also take out the gender biases of what it is to be a male or female in a relationship, we could view submission in a different way.   Submission is not about what a woman should do for her man.  It is about what both the male and the female should do for one another. 

 

In relationships, most tend to miss that part…The Bible states in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  Some versions of the Bible state, “Husbands submit to your own wive, and Wives submit to your own husband.”  This means both should submit to one another out of the love for Christ, as well as out of the love and respect for one another.  In relationships, because it is not just about our own individual happiness, it is about our happiness collectively, we have to be considerate of each other.  We have to respect each other.  We have to love each other the right way.  We have to care about each other’s needs, as well as the needs within the relationship.   

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Submission is not about a personal benefit.  It is about a mutually reciprocated reverence for one another that is a beautiful thing, when it is not taken out of context.  In relationships, submit to one another in a healthy way, based on your own strengths and weaknesses, and what is mutually beneficial to the relationship; not, egotistically, selfishly, or having prideful control over the other person.  When we learn how to love each other the right way, we learn that submission is not about power and control, it’s about a mutual respect for each other.  In relationships, we cannot only think about ourselves and what we want.  How can we contribute to the happiness of our mate, with that kind of mindset?  We have to consider what contributes to our mates happiness, too.  We should stop using the word, submission, out of context, and for our own selfish gain, so that we can just demonstrate a mutual love and respect for one another in our relationship.

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By Lynnette Clement