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Friendships are close, voluntary relationships between people who genuinely care about each others safety, the condition of each others hearts and minds, and each others well-being.  Friends support each other and usually share common interests. Friendships are developed out of built trust, honesty, and a mutual respect for one another.  They support each other, usually share common interests, and is developed out of built trust, honesty and a mutual respect for one other.  Some use the word, friend, so loosely, but it is truly a title that should be earned.  Not everyone you meet or come in acquaintance with is really your true friend. 

 

You can assess whether or not the people you befriend, are truly your friends by how they show up for you, how they treat you, communicate with you, spend time with you, encourage you, care about you, support you, and the type of advice they give to you.  A true friend does not compete with you, is not jealous of you, does not intentionally start arguments with you, nor do they try to keep you away from your other friends.  A true friend can authentically celebrate your achievements, and wants you to succeed. 

 

How long you’ve known your friends does not determine how good of a friend someone is to you.  What determines true friendship is how well they treat and support each other in good times and bad times.  A real friend does not deliberately hurt you by words nor actions.  They try to protect you from being harmed.  A friend offers heartfelt advice that comes from a place of love, not hate or jealousy.  They want you to do well. 

 

If you find that your friends try to keep you all to themselves, always have something negative to say about people you befriend, and try to monopolize your time or use you to their advantage and personal gain, those are not the type of friends that you want in your life.  Don’t let your friends hold you back from progressing forward in love and in life.  True friends are rare today in a world filled with backstabbers, selfish narcissists, hidden jealousy and envy, crabs in a barrel, mental health challenges, If I don’t have it, I don’t want you to have it mentality, and mean spirited people; it is hard to find good friends.

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You can and should pick and choose your friends, wisely.  Be comfortable walking away from friendships that are one-sided, I’m there for you, but you’re not there for me, I come to your events, but you never come to my events, I support your endeavors, but you never support my endeavors, I call you, but you never call me, I come visit you, but you never come visit me, I ask you how your day was, but you never ask how my day was, I occasionally check in to see if you are okay, but you never check in to see that I am okay, you can call me when you need somebody to talk to, but don’t answer the phone or respond to text messages when I need someone to talk to. 

 

If those types of things happen in your “friendships,” they are not true friendships.  Friendships are not one-sided.  Friendships are reciprocal, and considerate of one another; even though you cannot expect someone to be the same kind of friend that you are to them, because everyone is different.  You can however, have the expectation of how you want to be treated by the people you give the friend title to. 
 

No matter how busy you are or consumed by the competing priorities in your life, unless you live in a bubble, you have the same 24 hours in a day opportunity to show yourself friendly to your real friends.  Don’t call yourself a friend, if you do not act like a real friend.  Don’t be fake or phony with people you really don’t vibe with or value as a friend.  If you don’t like the people you call your friend, stop allowing them into any aspect of your life, and demote their titles to acquaintance. 

 

Value true friendships, because they are hard to find and more difficult to maintain.  When you think about the friends in your circle, you might be able to say that they are your friend, but can you honestly say that you are their true friend.  Do you treat them friendly or do you treat them like they are your enemy?  Please know that real friends are not your enemy.  Real friends want you to be happy, even if they’re not.  They want you to succeed, even when they feel like they are failing.  They want you to be well, even when they are not well.  They want you to love, even if their life is lacking love.  

 

Real friends want nothing but the best for you.  Make sure that the people in your friendship circle are truly your real friends.  Check yourself as a friend.  How are you doing as a friend?  Evaluate your friendships, because not everyone deserves to hold that sacred space in your life.

 

By Lynnette Clement

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