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In relationships, it is important to be consistent in regard to treating your mate with love and respect.  The way you start out in a relationship, sets the tone of the relationship and determines how long or short the relationship will last.  The way you treat your mate in the beginning of the relationship, establishes an expectation that the same behavior will continue.  This expectation could either be good or bad, dependent upon if you are treated good or poorly.  For example, if you do not want to set the expectation of monetary gifting, be careful how much you give the person you are with.  If you do not want to set the expectation that you will always treat your mate poorly, be careful how you treat the person you are with.  If you treat your mate poorly and he/she decides to leave you, when you try to convince him/her to stay, you will have a difficult time convincing your mate that your poor behavior will not be consistent.

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When you consistently engage in a behavior, your mate will begin to expect you to always behave in the same manner.  When you become inconsistent with good behavior, your mate will want you to convert from bad behavior to good behavior.  However, there are times when your mate will not want you to be consistent and those times are usually during sex (you have to be creative and switch it up sometimes), and when you treat them poorly (he/she will want you to treat them better).  When you behave in a negative way, it will be difficult to have a healthy and happy relationship.  You might be happy, but the mate that you are mistreating will not be happy, even if he/she decides to tolerate your mistreatment. 

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In regard to sex, your mate might want you to be consistent with the number of times you are sexually active with him/her, but will not want you to be consistent with having sex in the same position all the time.  Every person is different and likes different things.  If there is a behavior that you possessed that was positive and all of a sudden your mindset shifts to, “I’m not doing that anymore…or I used to do that, but never again,” think about whether or not your mate translates that statement as, “I don’t think you deserve it, so I’m not doing it.”   No one wants to hear you say, I’m not doing this anymore, if what you are referring to not doing is engaging in a behavior that is positive.  Most people can get used to familiarity. So, it is okay to be consistent with doing good things in your relationship, especially if your mate deserves it.  Be consistent. It really does matter.

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By Lynnette Clement

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