When you’re in a relationship Don’t be afraid to do whatever you need to do to make the relationship work, if that is what both of you want.  Do not think that even if you try to make a challenging relationship work, that you will fail.  If the other person wants the relationship to work, you will not fail. In the famous words of actor and rapper Will Smith and actor Denzel Washington, “If you fail, Fail Forward.”  You will not be successful in everything that you do in life.  So, if you fail, fail forward, which means no matter what, keep going forward.  You are not going to live forever, so you cannot leave this earth without doing what you need to do to have the life you want to live now.
 

Success will not come to you, you have to go get it and work for it. Yes, You have to work for it.  The way you approach your relationship each day should start with the mindset that you have to make the commitment every day that, I chose you and will continue to choose you, every day.   This is real commitment.  You are not always going to be comfortable.  You will be challenged, you will be upset, and you will be disappointed, but through it all, be committed to what and who you want.  This will require all in effort from both of you.  Both people have to be all in, it cannot just be one person putting in effort and the other person isn’t doing anything.  Relationships do not work that way.   Too often we let the enemy win and destroy our relationship.  The enemy of confusion, the enemy of pride, the enemy of pettiness, the enemy of selfishness, the enemy of ego, the enemy of infidelity, the enemy of dishonesty, the enemy of brokenness, the enemy of fear, and the enemy of discontentment.  The enemy aka the devil's job is to kill, steal and destroy.  The key is to not let the enemy win.  If you are letting the enemy win, how long will you continue to let the devil win? Do not let the enemy rob you of the joy that you deserve.

 

You cannot experience the real joys of life, if you don’t at least TRY to experience real joy.  Motivational speaker, Les Brown states, “Life is a fight for what you want.  So, when you stop fighting for what you want, what you don’t want will automatically take over," which is so true.  Therefore, you have to stay in the fight.  A fight that has to be worth the pain and worth the effort.  Yes, there will be pain and/or disappointment.  Just remember that it takes two people for it to be a fight, one person cannot fight alone.  If you are experiencing a challenging time in your relationship and you want it to work, stay in the fight.  I do not mean fight as in fist fight or argue, what I am referring to is stay in communication with your partner about how to make your relationship better.

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If you really want to be with your mate, you have to be consistent and committed to working towards making your relationship work (both of you).  You have to at least Try by any means necessary and have that whatever it takes attitude; as long as whatever it takes doesn’t go against law or your morals and values.  No, it is not going to be easy, however, if you want the relationship to work both of you have to try to make it work; both of you have to put in the effort.  If only one person is putting in the effort he/she will eventually stop, because they will begin to feel like you don’t want them as much as you say you do, especially if there is no action behind your words to show them otherwise. 

 

When you are in a good relationship, but there are some small challenges, don’t count your mate out at the first sign of trouble. Through effective communication, dedication and hard work, almost anything can be worked out.  Remember to be solution focused, not problem focused and both of you work towards making the situation better.  Even if it requires you to change your behaviors from negative to positive, you have to at least Try, by going all the way in (putting 100% into your relationship) or don’t go into the relationship at all.  If you are already in the relationship and do not feel that the relationship is worth it to Try to keep the person, you have to be open and willing to let the relationship go.  Please know that if someone doesn't want the relationship to work, you cannot and should not force them to want to work things out with you, if that is not what he/she wants to do.  You cannot change someone else's mind after they have decided to leave you for good. The time to Try to make things work, is when the person is willing to stay in the fight with you to save the relationship.

 

Remember, BOTH people have to want to save the relationship.  You will only end up being hurt in the end, if you are the only person working to save the relationship.  When you are in the fight alone, you have to let go.  However, if both of you want the relationship to work, don’t you dare let go or give up on your mate; you have to try to make things work.  Don’t be afraid to lose, so much that you don’t even Try.  It is not about winning or losing, it is about being happy with whom you want to be happy with.  You only lose when you haven’t tried or when you quit.  Just don't be the only one in the relationship trying to make it work; save the time and energy that you might need to start over with someone new that shows you by action that he/she is willing to fight to keep you.

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By Lynnette Clement