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In relationships, you are either all in, or should be all out.  There really isn't any room for the in between.  You are either invested in the relationship, or you are not.  If you are not invested in helping to make the relationship work, save yourself and your mate from wasting time by letting go.  In life, you have to make choices, and you have to live with every decision you make.  The decisions you make now will matter to your future.  No matter what type of decision you make, you either have to be all in, or all out.  If you are unsure about your decisions, it is usually an indication that you are not prepared for the outcome that could result from the decisions you make.  If you do anything half-way, you will find yourself being unfulfilled, stagnant, discontent, and unhappy with whatever it is that you are doing.  So, if you are not all in, in your relationship, be all out.

Make sure that you know what your mate's intentions are concerning your relationship.  Is your mate all in?  All in means that he/she is dedicated to helping to make the relationship work long-term, by putting in the work necessary for personal and professional development, as well as growth within the relationship.  If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is not all in, ask him/her what are their expectations for the relationship and where do they see the relationship going?  If the two of you are not on the same page, and you have been in the relationship for a long period of time, it is time to evaluate whether or not the relationship is truly meeting your needs, and answer the question of whether or not the relationship is worth the time and energy you are putting into it, as well as is it in alignment with the future you want to live?   Know that you cannot be all-in with everybody you meet, no matter how long it took you to meet him/her, nor how long the two of you have known each other, nor how long you have been in a relationship with one another.  In your relationship, if you are all in, ask yourself honestly, if the person you are with does not possess the personality characteristics of the type of mate you truly want, or that you can see yourself building a future with, why are you all-in? 

Too often, we can find ourselves holding on to the person we want him/her to be for us, while overlooking the person that he/she actually is.  You don't want to be overly critical of your mate, but you do want to be honest with yourself about the type of person you are with.  If you have a good, healthy relationship with your mate, and the two of you are good for and to each other, that is when it is okay to be all in.  However, if you are in an unhealthy relationship, it is best to be all out.  Especially, if the relationship does not improve.  If your mate does not want to be with you, the same way that you want to be with him/her, Don't waste time trying to force someone to be with you or try to force him/her to love you the right way.  You will not have to force the right man/woman to be with you and treat you the right way.

When someone wants to be all-in with you, you will not have to force them to do anything.  All in means, that they are already willing to do what is necessary for the betterment of the relationship.  If he/she is not willing to be all-in with you, then you shouldn't be all-in with him/her.  Sometimes, the best thing you can do in an unhealthy relationship is leave; that way you can open yourself up to meeting someone who will possess the qualities that you are looking for, and also give the person you are leaving the opportunity to find what he/she is looking for as well; in this scenario it is a win-win situation.

It is okay to be honest with yourself and your mate.  Don't leave the decision to someone else to determine how much of him/herself they are willing to give you.  What are you willing to accept and what do you truly deserve?  If you are aspiring to be with someone and/or are in a relationship and you are not all in, ask yourself what is really holding you back?  The answer to that question will guide you to what you really need to do (be all-in or be all out).  Life is too short to waste time doing anything in between.

By Lynnette Clement